Introduction: My Psychedelic Journey To Heal Trauma with Magic Mushrooms
Three months ago, I embarked on a psychedelic journey to heal trauma. It was the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life.
The journey healed me in many ways. I gained countless insights and released traumatic energy from my body.
Although numerous misconceptions exist about psychedelics, for many people they are remarkably healing when used appropriately.
But before I tell you more about my psychedelic journey to heal trauma, I want to be clear that my intention is not to promote the use of illegal substances.
Psychedelics aren’t suitable for everyone, especially those under the age of 25 or anyone with a history or direct relative with a history of psychosis.
I’m just someone with a history of trauma who went on a sacred journey with some magic mushrooms, sharing my experience with those who are interested.
Why I decided to embark on a psychedelic journey after 15 years of trying to heal my trauma
I’ve had a lifetime of anxiety and trauma. When I was 14, I started meditating, and for the first time, I realized what it meant to be at peace.
But in my 20’s, I started having panic attacks even during meditation. I was diagnosed with a rare sleep disorder and misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. This led to being overmedicated for several years.
I became determined to fully heal myself and I went deeper into my spiritual practice. For the past 10 years, I’ve learned to make peace with my inner turmoil.
I also started doing Somatic Experiencing a year ago, and I was releasing a lot of trauma.
In a way, Somatic Experiencing is like a mini psychedelic journey and a great alternative to psychedelics.
But despite my progress, I felt like it would take years to heal all the trauma I had accumulated throughout my 35 years of life.
More than anything, I wanted to be free.
For years, I felt called to work with plant medicine, particularly—magic mushrooms.
And within the last few years, I was hearing more about psychedelics as researchers uncover what shamans have known for ages: we can access our innate ability to heal ourselves.
So, I felt that embarking on a psychedelic journey to heal my trauma would support me.
In November 2023, I was approved for psychedelic-assisted therapy.
My Psychedelic Journey to Heal Trauma – My Trip Report
The morning of my trip…
Every day since childhood, I woke with a pit in my stomach, and today was no different.
For months, I researched and worked to ensure I had the right mindset to embark on a psychedelic journey to heal trauma. However, I didn’t know what to expect.
I ate a tiny breakfast and went for a walk with my husband. Yet, my mind kept spiraling with doubt and fear. Which isn’t the best mindset for this type of journey.
At the same time, I knew this was one of the patterns I needed to break.
I had a strong impulse within me to see this through.
As we walked, I saw this little leaf and it seemed to smile at me. So, I asked if it would come along and it seemed willing to support me that day.
The dose…
After my walk, I chatted with my psychedelic guide about the dose I would take since everyone is different.
We already knew I was sensitive to psilocybin—the psychoactive ingredient in magic mushrooms—because I felt the effects even when tried to micro-dose small amounts.
I sat in bed and reminded myself that I had the right people with me and the right mindset and setting for what I was about to do.
The little leaf from my walk was on the table next to me, along with some crystals, and a statue of Lord Shiva.
I lit a candle next to me with my intentions written on it and summoned 30 seconds of bravery to thoroughly chew the medicine (aka, the magic mushrooms). It didn’t taste great, but I had bigger concerns.
We turned on the playlist with music that would guide my journey, and I read over my affirmations and intentions.
I laid down, put my eye shades on, and my guide led me through a body scan meditation.
The onset of my psychedelic trip to heal trauma…
Within minutes, I was already feeling the effects of the mushrooms.
It hit hard. Naturally, I started to freak out. I thought about throwing up or eating to slow the effects. I regretted it right away.
It felt like I was going to have a panic attack. But my guide helped me ground myself with my breathing.
I calmed down but I felt the fear. It was burning my belly, my chest, and my legs.
“Fear hurts me a lot, the fear is burning my body,” I told my guide. But he assured me that my body was safe.
After a while, I started to lose touch with my body altogether.
I realized there was no way out and all I could do was surrender.
I saw colors and lights, but they appeared and disappeared faster than I could keep up with.
At this point, I asked the spirit of the mushrooms to be gentler.
Then the visuals went into the background and the music came into the foreground.
I focused on the music. It sounded like it was everywhere. Every note was so vibrant. I could feel the energy of each note. It was like nothing I had heard before.
Nothing made sense anymore but I knew my guide was with me.
“Am I doing this right?” I asked him.
“Everyone is different, just trust the medicine.” He responded.
Approaching the peak…
I realized how difficult it was for me to trust and let go.
My mind wanted to think and figure out what to do, but it was difficult to formulate thoughts or remember anything.
Finally, my mind gave up. For a while, nothing seemed to matter.
“I have to be there for myself,” I told my guide as if realizing this for the first time.
The music took over and began moving me—literally. I felt my leg kicking and my arms and hips moving in strange ways. I experienced a lot of shaking, tossing, and turning.
Then, three mushroom spirits appeared to me and told me that the movements were important to release the traumatic energy from my body.
I knew I could trust them. So, I surrendered to the movements and as I did, I could sense I was being healed.
“The mushrooms are healing me,” I said to my guide. “Thank you mushrooms”, I said to their spirit.
I felt grateful and I thanked my guide for being with me. But I could sense that the fear was still there.
I asked my guide for water, and each time I took a sip it felt grounding.
For over an hour, the music continued to move my body.
It didn’t feel like I was in control of the movements. But I knew that this strange sacred dance was supporting me.
My guide reassured me that I was doing great, but I didn’t know what I was doing great at.
Again, nothing seemed to matter.
I felt a sudden euphoria and started laughing, but it didn’t last. The fear was still in me.
Eventually, I needed to use the bathroom but I couldn’t figure out how to walk or stand. So, my husband had to help me.
The peak…
A couple of sad songs played, and I started feeling very sad. The intensity of the music was building and I started screaming.
I felt so much pain inside me. It was unbearable. I wanted it to stop. I felt myself crying inside but no tears came.
My guide changed the music and reminded me of my intentions. The next song made me feel better and I remembered, I’m here to face the screaming.
The fear… that’s why I was doing this.
My guide told me to go within.
“I don’t know where in and out are,” I told him.
“Go deeper, you got this” he assured me.
I was still confused. But I laid down in the fetal position and I hugged my pillow trying to figure out which way was “in“.
The fear was with me the entire time, it was growing in intensity. Much more intense than a panic attack.
It didn’t feel like a physical or mental fear, it felt like a spiritual fear.
“Heal my trauma“, I told myself trying to keep my intentions in mind.
The fear continued to grow as I reached the peak. I was completely absorbed inward.
The fear…
I was petrified. The fear was everywhere. My spirit appeared to be freaking out.
Trust, let go, be open, I kept telling myself.
But my heart was so scared.
Then, all my fears came to me all at once and I had to face them all.
The fear of dying, of not being loved, of being alone, of being abandoned, of going mad, of losing people I love, of not being good enough, and on and on it went until I confronted fear itself.
It was the fear of fear that was the most intense of all.
I didn’t know what to do.
I felt lost.
“Fear can be here,” I told myself over and over again in my mind.
I’ve never experienced such an intense fear in my life.
I could die thousands of deaths and still not be able to describe this fear. It was like being severed from the awareness of all love, existing in complete and utter separation.
All I could do was be there for myself and remind myself to surrender.
This went on for over an hour but I stayed with the fear.
The shift…
Finally, I felt myself fully surrender to the fear just by allowing it to be there.
I finally felt okay with fear.
Suddenly, there was a shift and I felt my spirit returning to my body.
Over 3 hours had passed since taking the dose when I heard a distant voice.
I couldn’t make out what it was saying at first.
So, I tried to shift my focus to the voice, “This is your inner voice.” it said.
The voice sounded like me but it was coming from somewhere else, from somewhere more pure.
I continued listening to it.
“This is your inner voice and it’s always been with you.”
It showed me all my patterns: people-pleasing, being bothered by little things, trying to be perfect, listening too much to outside opinions, not trusting myself, etc.
It spoke slowly and gently, “Trust that you did a lot of healing today.”
I felt reassured listening to the voice.
Suddenly, I felt like I was getting a huge download.
The insights started coming all at once. Connections were being made and I couldn’t keep up with them. It was happening faster than my mind could process.
But the voice told me I didn’t need to understand everything and that everything would make sense after, not now.
The insights…
I was reassured that I was doing all the right things in my life and that God loves me
I touched my face and it had aged, it felt wrinkly. “Don’t worry you’ll be old before you know it.” my inner voice communicated, “So, don’t worry about it.“
“Everything is here before you know it. You don’t need to anticipate it anymore. It all just smacks you in the face.” I felt my hand smack my forehead and I laughed.
I also knew that I didn’t need to be afraid of dying anymore but I didn’t know why.
So, I asked the mushrooms and was told I didn’t need to understand everything.
And I understood that.
I was intuitively communicating with the mushrooms and asking them questions about my life. And they just kept reassuring me that I was loved, that everything was okay, and that I would be okay from now on.
They told me that my nightmares would fade in time, that my sleep would improve without sleep aids, and that my nervous system was working well.
I felt at peace.
Love and forgiveness
I saw and felt and knew with my existence that there is only love.
Love is all there is.
I realized I was always loved. I was never not loved. And that the people who hurt me just weren’t aware of the love.
“Love everyone, but you don’t need to like them to love them. You don’t even need to talk to them if you don’t want to” my inner voice expressed.
I gained insights into my relationships.
I was told that my grandma was always with me. And that my ancestors wanted me to heal.
My ancestors wanted me to forgive white people for the generational and racial trauma caused by colonialism and white supremacy.
I saw that all the racism, hate, and discrimination arise because people just aren’t aware of the love. That’s what ignorance is.
But the love is always there, within everything, at all times.
And everyone is just doing their best. Even the people that hurt me were doing their best.
I forgave everyone who had ever hurt me.
The duality between my inner voice and me collapsed. I felt a clarity, conviction, and authority I never knew I had.
Even my guide noticed the shift as I shared the insights I was getting.
I don’t need to worry about other people’s ignorance. We all belong. We’re all loved.
The comedown
I started to feel my body again, but I was still very disoriented.
My guide gave me some food which I ate with my hands because I couldn’t remember how to use the fork.
It felt natural to eat with my hands. I had never felt more like myself.
I know now, I’m going to be okay. The trauma is in the past. And I don’t need to chase healing anymore.
I realized that I don’t need to worry about higher states of consciousness or enlightenment.
None of that matters. It never did because there is only love, and enlightenment is just being okay with what happens.
There is only this. There is only the experience that I am having. That’s all there is.
Reality is just an encounter with myself.
I’m just here to be myself, and I don’t even need to know who I am. I just need to be authentic and trust myself.
Conclusion: My Psychedelic Journey To Heal Trauma
Integration
The night of my psychedelic journey to heal trauma, I continued to reflect on my life and gain countless insights.
Most aren’t new realizations, I’ve had them in meditation but I never trusted myself so I couldn’t integrate them.
This hit me differently though. The mushrooms opened me up in a way that I can’t describe, connecting me more deeply to God and my soul.
The next day, was one of the best days I’ve ever had.
When I woke up, the pit in my stomach was gone. And I was so happy to be in this realm of existence.
We went for a walk and came across a little beaver. I’d never felt so connected to Mother Nature.
I laid on the cold ground looking up at the sky, and I’d never felt so at ease in the world.
I had to take full advantage of everything I uncovered. So, almost every day since the trip, I have been listening to a recording of my insights or reading them over.
I also created artwork to represent some of the most important realizations. But the hardest part has been acting on and embodying the lessons I learned.
What’s changed
Honestly, I’m still shocked at the changes I’ve seen in myself.
I’m not so hard on myself anymore, I set more boundaries, I am kinder and more compassionate to myself, and I even feel proud of myself for the first time in my life.
I realized I had a lot of OCD tendencies, which I’ve dropped. For instance, I used to wear my clothes and socks in the same order, get grossed out in public places, sanitize my hands multiple times throughout the day, etc.
But now I’m not constantly worrying about germs, I don’t mind things being out of order, and I feel more at ease in public spaces.
Also, ever since I was 7, I would wake up in the middle of the night from extremely frightening nightmares, sometimes screaming. For years, having 3-5 nightmares a week was normal.
But in the last 2 months, my nightmares have faded just as the mushrooms assured me they would. I haven’t woken up in a panic or gotten stuck in any flashbacks either.
During the day my mind used to wander and get stuck in traumatic memories for hours, but not anymore, I’m more present.
My rare and severe sleep disorder has completely healed after 20 years of struggling to maintain a normal sleep pattern.
I don’t feel as self-conscious or that I’m carrying heavy shame inside me anymore, and I’m more willing to face my fears—like driving for the first time again in 7 years.
I also realized it doesn’t make me happy to be on social media, so I’ve cut back on that.
So far, every morning I’ve woken up, I look for that pit in my stomach… and I can’t find it. But if it comes back, I know how to face it now… just by being okay with it.
My nervous system is more grounded. I used to experience heart palpitations whenever I worked out but I haven’t had them since my psychedelic trip!
What hasn’t changed
A psychedelic journey doesn’t just end once the trip is over, the second part of the journey is the integration, which requires your continued surrender and trust in the insights you receive. It’s another vital part of the healing.
So, there are still parts of my life that I haven’t figured out and certain situations that trigger me.
Now and then, I’ll run into a situation and think, “Oh no, am I going back to my old mindset?”
Even that question is associated with the fear of fear. But I’m working on it.
About a week ago, my husband and I went to the dentist. We both needed to get a cavity filled and I started feeling anxious.
I had to remind myself that fear can be here and to surrender to it.
So, although I’ve seen many changes in myself, it doesn’t mean everything is perfect.
I’m just less concerned about perfection these days because I don’t want to be hard on myself anymore.
At the same time, I feel that the frequency and intensity of my fear response have decreased. And I’ve been responding to fear differently when it arises.
Closing thoughts on my psychedelic journey to heal trauma
Psychedelics are to be respected and approached with pure intentions.
I don’t know if I would have had a successful psychedelic journey to heal trauma if it wasn’t for all the preparations, research, and guidance I had, along with my commitment to integrate the insights I received.
The mushrooms showed me what was possible, they alleviated my suffering, and have shown me what life is like with a regulated nervous system.
Although I’ve done my best to describe my psychedelic journey to heal trauma, I can’t truly explain what happened. And I’m okay with that.
I don’t know if anything will ever be that scary again. I’m glad it’s over and I’m glad it happened.
It was the most empowering thing I’ve ever done.
The mushrooms guided my spirit back to my body. They helped me find my voice. And they expanded my consciousness and opened me up in ways I never imagined. I’m aware of the love now.
Would I do it again? I don’t know. Let’s just say, I hope I don’t have to.
I got what I needed to move forward. I know I’m going to be okay now. The mushrooms are truly magical.
Everything I did all these years, was exactly what I needed and I wouldn’t change any of it.
This whole life is a psychedelic trip.
Whatever comes up now, I know it can be here. I’m open to it all. I’m ready to live, to trust, to let go, and to be open.
So, thanks for reading about my psychedelic journey to heal trauma. I hope I’ll hear from you in the comments 😊💜
May you be happy and well!
With Love,
Ravelle
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Resources:
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Highly recommended Somatic Experiencing Self-Directed Course:
Healing Trauma Online Course with Peter Levine
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