What Is The Dark Night Of The Soul And How To Transition Through It
Throughout time, many ancient scriptures and sages have said that the secret of life is to: “die before you die,” for it is in death that we let go of everything.
Often we forget that every form is impermanent, yet, we cannot escape this reality. Deep wisdom can be found in this recognition. Everything in this life is temporary, and birth and death arise together. In truth, the dark night of the soul comes to wake us up to the light of our eternal being.
We all experience suffering in our lives and during times of loss, illness, financial difficulty, and other predicaments, life can seem cold and dark.
What we once clung to as precious or safe may have been taken away or changed, or life may have lost its allure and our perspective becomes bleak. This can leave us feeling vulnerable and unsure of how to cope.
In this dark night of the soul, you have no compass, no answers, and cannot find purpose. You may feel anxious, lonely, and depressed, likewise, navigating through life at this point is confusing.
You may wonder:
Why am I here?
Why do I exist?
What is the point of life?
Photo by: Jonathan Lai
After major life changes, we can feel disconnected as if we have lost a part of who we are.
Psychologically one may feel depressed, drained, empty, anxious, and fearful. Hence, the dark night leaves you with many uncertainties, except now, suffering and the impermanent nature of life becomes more apparent.
Consequently, it can feel like we are losing a sense of ourselves. In truth, what is being stripped away is not who we are, it is only what we believed ourselves to be. So, during the dark night of the soul, we tend to think that our lives have become unstable. Really, it is the false self, known as the ego, which is no longer stable.
This false identity was never reliable because it is not real.
The ego is based on the beliefs and ideas we have about ourselves. In fact, it can exist regardless of whether those beliefs are superior or inferior.
For instance, one may believe they are intelligent, talented, attractive, or successful. They then validate these beliefs through their career, relationship, or other roles and circumstances.
If, however, they lose their job or their partner, it can shake up this belief system and create deep suffering. So, when these sources of pleasure are no longer available or satisfying, one is unable to distract themselves from their inner pain.
Really, this psychological pain is not the result of undesirable conditions. Instead, the change in circumstance, perspective, or loss is a trigger for the ego. It feels like we are no longer whole and this feels personal.
Although the change has taken place outside of us, the loss is felt deep within us. Likewise, even a shift in our perspective can awaken us to our internal suffering and dissatisfaction with our circumstances.
Alternatively, one’s identity may be that they are inferior, weak, ugly, stupid, or not enough, and this also creates inner turmoil. In both cases, one suffers from their false beliefs and false identity. This is the dark night of the soul; a period of intense desolation with no apparent solace.
We are then faced with a choice: seek new forms to provide comfort and security OR go beyond all forms and seek the truth.
Some may choose to seek new circumstances to re-validate their old identity. If they find these conditions, the ego will relax, and the suffering temporarily ceases. This is the most common way we cope with psychological pain, but a rare soul will recognize that new circumstances are also impermanent.
They see clearly that nothing lasts forever.
This stripping away of the old self and the suffering created from the false identity urges them to seek something deeper. At this time, it may not be evident, but many blessings begin to emerge in this dark night of the soul. New truths and insights are already being revealed, and wisdom is developing.
We cannot rely on a temporary world to provide us with permanence and stability.
Is there anything in the world that does not change? Everything in this life is transient. External forms cannot provide us with peace because they are unreliable and impermanent.
Sometimes we desperately want to hold on to something, only to grieve when we lose it. We try to cling to people and things, all of which can be taken from us at any moment. Some humans forget that we share this land with other beings and the desire for more deludes them.
This is one way the ego strengthens its identity, by claiming ownership over everything including land, objects, ideas, animals, and even other people.
We tend to believe that they all belong to us but everything in this world belongs to time, including our bodies. The dark night of the soul has come to wake us up from our delusions and false identity. Will you surrender to it or resist it?
Any role or form that we take ourselves to be, limits us.
Some people heavily identify with their careers, religion, culture, or other external factors, and can only see through a veil of perception that is clouded by their biases. This is ego and it is limited to its conditioned beliefs and ideas.
Likewise, if the ocean believed it was only a drop of water, it would never know its inherent vastness. The drop of water will believe it is a separate entity from the whole and never see that it is the ocean. Stop identifying altogether and you will begin to see clearer. Stop believing that you are this or that and you will no longer be a mere drop of water.
It is time to learn who you really are, for you are beyond even the ocean.
When suffering comes knocking at your door, don’t be afraid.
When you look deeply at some people, you can see that their faces are burdened with pain. Occasionally, behind all that pain, you find an intensity, gentleness, and a steady determination to know the truth.
All of which eat up the false desires, ideas, beliefs, and fears, allowing a deep peace to be revealed. Through suffering, we can see the truth, and this is the blessing of the dark night of the soul.
Do not feel sorry for those who are brave enough to experience their pain. They are uncovering a powerful light beyond the shadows of their souls. It is the light of consciousness. This light is in everyone and you do not need to suffer to know it.
Photo by: Jonathan Lai
Seek refuge within yourself instead of relying on what is fleeting.
What does it mean to find refuge within?
- Deepen in your self-awareness so you can recognize the ego when it arises. You can do this by learning to become more aware of your thoughts.
- Be willing to acknowledge your emotions, even when they are unpleasant, for this is the only way through them and find your center.
- If you are really struggling with the idea of “purpose”, I have written an entire post on this topic which you can read here.
- Learn how to make your mind more peaceful so you can be free of egoic thought-patterns that create suffering.
- Realize the impact of the false identity, ego: not only how it affects you but how it affects those around you. Once you see the suffering caused by the ego, you will want to let it go.
- Recognize the transient nature of all things in this world, including thoughts, feelings, people, situations, etc. All things are impermanent, and this understanding brings wisdom.
- Learn how to deal with uncertainty so you can free yourself from fear about an unpredictable world.
- Find out who you really are at the deepest level. Learn about self-inquiry, which is a very direct practice for self-realization.
When you see that the ego is conditioned toward suffering, you will readily move away from falsehood. If you have a splinter in your finger and it hurts, you will want to take it out. Likewise, with wisdom, you will not want to cling to the false self as it is no different from the splinter. Thus, you will want to let go of what is untrue.
Know that everything falls away at some point and it must all be given up.
This is how you “die before you die”. Any loss or fear felt comes from the ego. The True Self is untouched by loss or pain for it is inherently free and peaceful. Our real nature is the full expression of love and when we cast aside the illusory self, the light of our true being shines through the dark night of the soul.
The sooner you surrender to the dark night of the soul, the easier it will be to transition through it.
To be clear, this does not mean you are choosing to abide in darkness, rather, you are wholeheartedly acknowledging your current tendencies toward it by identifying with the ego. For this reason, resisting the dark night means you are choosing to hold onto Maya–the false–and this perpetuates the suffering. So, accept the desolation the dark night brings and know that it will not destroy you, but only your delusions.
Only then, your life will reflect the light that is within you, and you will come to realize true joy, love, and peace. The truth will take the place of the false and you will be free. Let go of the worries you have about what is happening outside you because it will all fall into place on its own.
Have faith that this is your heart’s call, and it will guide you all the way home.
With love,
Ravelle
You can read about my experience through the dark night of the soul on my bio
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